Funny 009

Dear Dad

I hope you enjoy the enclosed book of Bleichrodt family history. I have spent countless hours compiling data and checking facts. I believe this final edition will prove once and for all I have lost all control of my senses and no longer have any relationship with reality.

As I research information, contact relatives whom I am not even sure are alive, I find my days quickly fading into darkness with the only light being the glow of the computer screen and the thought of another certified death certificate in the mailbox tomorrow.

I have spent seven thousand dollars to confirn what I already know, the relative is dead, however this is not a concern, the only thing I'm interested in is being able to prove they are dead.

I hope you are able to derive as much pleasure from our family tree as I was able to in compiling it. I have not showered in two weeks and have not spoken to close friends in over six months. As you know, Christmas is only six weeks away and I would like to take this opportunity to ask for a Micro Fiche reader so I will no longer have to leave the house to use the one at the Family History Room.

After I finish compiling the Bleichrodt family history I plan on researching the history of EVERY name in our phone book. I estimate this will take me well into my 90's and possibly beyond.

I must now return to my research.

Love, Denise

P.S.If any family member dies please notify me immediately!

To My Darling Husband

I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.

Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.

I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson the department head, has uh, taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all.

I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you didn't mind being vacuumed but that feather dusting made you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring; I'm sure you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut holes in the drop sheet so you wouldn't be disturbed.

Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle George, uh, Mr. Wilson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away, she'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to your desk, just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer will have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jenny and I will think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.

Love, Karen

My Pedigree

When searching for all those recent family names becomes too frustrating for me, I go back to my interesting, really old records. I have just started entering these records onto a separate file in my computer, and I am sure some of you out there have some of the same ancestors. Please help!

My earliest known ancestor is Eric the Confused. He was born either in Ireland or in Egypt - I'm not entirely sure. I do have a copy of a birth tablet for him and it seems he was born in 8___ B.C., according to the tablet. (Some of the carved numbers are worn away.) I have names for a couple of his children - including that renowned ancestress of many of us modern researchers, Matilda the Strong. She had an interesting bunch of children, and they married into a very mixed bag of nomadic tribespeople. Since her children were all very prolific, I am sure some of you can tell me more.

I volunteer to keep records of any of these ancestors you can tell me about. I am interested in the commonplace, boring branches of the family as well as the exciting, historical figures. I haven't been able to link any of these early ancestors to my people in this country yet, but maybe someday we can all find that we are connected - way back! I do know that some of these early relatives explain a good deal about many of us, even today. (That's why I worked so hard on finding Eric.)

Anelle (Proud to be related to the Confused)

Beatitudes of a Family Genealogist

Light Bulbs (Genealogy Style)

How many genealogists does it take to change a light bulb?

* Answer (3)

How's that for lightening things up?

* Answer (36)

A Cat in Heaven

The Scene

A cat shows up.

St. Peter says "I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn't cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted."

Cat: "Well, I did always long to own a nice satin pillow like my master had, so I could lie on it."

St. Peter: "That's easy. Granted. You shall have the satin pillow after you enter in."

Next a group of mice appeared.

St. Peter: "Ah, I remember you. You were such good mice on earth. You didn't steal food from anyone's house and never hurt other animals. Therefore, I want to grant you one special wish you always wanted."

The Chief Mouse replied, "Well, we always watched the children playing and saw them roller skate, and it was beautiful, and it looked like so much fun. So can we each have some roller skates, please?"

St. Peter: "Granted. You shall have your wish."

Next day, St. Peter is making the rounds inside the Gates, and sees the cat. "Well, Cat...Did you enjoy the satin pillow?"

Cat: "Oh, indeed I did. And say...that "Meals on Wheels" thing was a nice touch, too!"

How to do business

A Perth businessman went to Bank West to arrange a loan of $5000. He said he needed it for a two week business trip to Asia. The loans manager took all his details and then asked if he could provide some sort of security on the loan.

"Sure," said the businessman, "How about my car."

"What make is it?" enquired the loans manager.

"A Rolls Royce," said the businessman.

The loans manager agreed, took the keys and handed them to his junior who then drove the Rolls to the secured parking in the bank's basement.

Two weeks later the businessman returned and went to the bank to repay the loan.

"How much is the interest?" asked the businessman.

"Fifteen dollars," said the loans manager, "And I happened to notice that you are in fact a millionaire so I was wondering why you took out that loan?"

"Well," said the businessman, "Where else in Perth could I get two weeks' secured parking for a Rolls Royce for fifteen dollars??"

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E-mail contributions to Rob Nelson.

Nov 1, 2001